Dec. 25th, 2014

willzark: Heya there! (Default)
It's already Christmas. 25th of December. Seems like 2014 is going to pass soon. But before that, there's just one occasion that needs to be remembered, and that is the birth of Jesus, the One that has been accompanying me through my life journey.

I'm lost for words. Been 17 (almost 18) years and I do not think I have given something significant to Him in His birthday. In contrast, I was the one who was given lots of presents and holidays. I do not realize how important this day is until this year. 

Well, this year was a big mess for me. If you read my last journal on my 2013's review, I said that 2014 was the first step into my wasteland, and it really is.  I screwed up some of my school activities, my scores were getting lower (worst record ever) and yes I failed my SAT test, making my future a big question. Since my high school year, I realized that I changed to the worse. I started complaining, rushed things, and my biggest mistake, tried to do everything by myself.

I miss the old me. The one who is always genuinely smiling, encouraging, and most importantly, closer to God. I prayed often, read many inspirational stuffs, it's exhilarating. But now? I rarely pray, just occasionally. Maybe this year God wants to slap me in my face, telling me to go back. I think I kinda know how God feels, being abandoned just like that. It's like you love someone so much that you are willing to give her everything, but then she suddenly change hearts and leave you just like that. The feeling when you already give everything, yet given nothing in return. 

I made my decision. This Christmas, the gift that I am about to give to Jesus, is myself. I am willing to come back on track. It is going to be tough, I know that. That's why I make this post as a remainder on my decision. Happy birthday, Jesus. I'm glad You came. 

"It's not about me anymore, it's about US, against the odds."
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you guys have your own beautiful experience! May joy and happiness be with you all! Don't forget to think about a gift to God though!



willzark: Heya there! (Default)

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Refraction. If you're alive, then that means your mission on earth isn't finished yet.