willzark: (Looking up to the sky)
[personal profile] willzark
I cancelled my flight today just to get my certificate. I did not know whether this is the right decision or not, but I wanted to believe that this is the right one.

Been such a havoc before my departure but oh well, sometimes you just can't calculate something. So yeah, now I'm here at my room trying to get the best refraction for myself tonight.

Just a few more days until my new journey at a new place. I did not think about it that much until the day finally arrived, so am I ready? The obvious answer should be: I must be ready, or I'll never make it out alive.

When I looked back to my journey until I get at this point, it had been such a miracle. I reminisced my junior high school years, when I tried my best getting Singapore's scholarship but then I failed miserably. Even though I worked extremely hard, day and night, I just can't get what I want.

It seems God wanted to direct me to another path. Sure, parts of me regret making Gloria as my High School choice, but maybe if I did not enter Gloria, I will not have the experience of being the Student Council's President. Maybe I wouldn't have learned how tough and fake the society is, and how can I adapt to the reality before me.

Then the cycles came again. What I did during my junior school year, I did it again on my senior year. This time, it was about SAT. I remember it clearly how I study for like 8AM-12AM everyday. Memorizing vocabs, doing reading while still keeping up with school subjects. It was chaotic. I remember how I cried to my mom telling her that I might not be able to continue this way. Too tired, too exhausted. Yet, I still can't reach my desired score.

Did my hard work paid off this time? Well, partly. I did not get the chance to enter my dream school, but God put me somewhere else, again. I know well that He has a plan, I just can't see it yet. Then God taught me another thing during this holiday.

During my times waiting for this day to arrive, many things had happened. I mostly spend time with myself at home, but then some days I got to hang out with my friends, and on the last few weeks I got the opportunity to get an internship at my father's office. I got so many new experiences from there. Especially the internship. I entered the office without any hopes of getting involved and such, but as it progressed, I found myself trying to help my father's company to the next level. I did try to make new concepts and trying to bring the technology staffs together, and I feel good that I have the ability to lead. Maybe I overestimate myself.

Then God gave me a warning. Just now. While He did want me to realize my potential, but He also did not want me to neglect my weaknesses. Procrastination. Underestimating stuffs. Get emotional easily. He tried to warn me: Hey! Look at the things you need to repair before overestimating yourself! You got waaaay to go to become a better person. And yeah. I realized that. During my internship God also warned me via the cell group of my office. I don't know why but every time I joined the cell group it was always about "Wherever you are, what challenges you might face, God is there to supply you. So do not worry and rely on God. Everything will be alright." I know I haven't been talking to God for so long, but maybe it's time to build a new habit.

So to all the things I left behind, thank you. You taught me so many stuffs that I must keep in mind, wherever I go.
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willzark

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Refraction. If you're alive, then that means your mission on earth isn't finished yet.