willzark | Recent Entries

it's that time of the year again. can't believe that the years have slipped through our fingers as now we are celebrating your 26th birthday. i know it's not the most exciting birthday for you (endoscopy, yikes!) but i'm sure everything will run smoothly and it you will be perfectly healthy. and i guess after all these years, we kinda know each other pretty well by now - sometimes it's crazy to think how long we've spent time together from the first time we met, and here we are trying to battle out long distance.

first things first, i'm truly grateful for you. your presence, your advices, your silly jokes, everything about you. i guess the way our mind works is kind of similar in a lot of ways but different at the same time, which is interesting. but i think what's more interesting is, i think there are sides of you that i have yet to discover as well. remember the camping time where i told you that i never really see your "dominant" side? or just the way you behave when you are with your closest friends like alyca. i'm pretty sure there's a lot more to unpack about you and i'm looking forward to it.

also, 2024. this year, you will finally open up your bakery and start your new journey of entrepreneurship. it has been a long process coming here and we both know it's not gonna get easier after this. but as i mentioned before, it is also something that i admire and love about you. just the way you have goals in your mind to reach and the determination to turn that goal into a reality. it's truly inspiring. i would never be tired watching you reach new heights and accomplish great things in your life because i know that's exactly what you're going to do.

i'm looking forward to visit your bakery, be a cashier for a day, and watch your bakery empire grows from a humble place until it sprouts everywhere around the nation. and whenever you have doubts or worry, know that i will support you every step of the way to make sure you remember how amazing you are and how capable you are. and i think 26 is the perfect time to start, as you will have a lot of time to learn and grow - becoming the version of yourself you're always meant to be. i can't wait to see that day finally come and look back and see how much you have grown and i will smile proudly as your partner.

we have weathered a lot of hardships and difficulty within our relationship, and i believe this year will be the hardest of all. but knowing what we've been through, i know we will come back stronger and face every difficulties together as we usually do. once again, thank you for being a part of my life, i will always cherish you - forever and always.

happy birthday ipin, i love you.

p.s. i'm missing our date nights in hong kong - hope we can recreate those moments too this year!

Happy 25th, my dearest Ipin - Aileen. A year does fly so fast as I remembered vividly how we celebrated your 24th birthday. Grand Budapest cake, Korean lunch, a stroll to Hong Kong island beautiful alleyways. So many things happened in between and now here we are - one year later, celebrating your birthday in a Japanese Izakaya in Soho.

Sometimes I do ask myself: "How do we even get to this stage?" It just feels like time cruising by, slipping through our hands. During those in-betweens, I have experienced joy and love - something that was hard for myself to believe, even until now. Throughout my life I've experienced so much rejections, bitterness, that "being loved" is something unfamiliar to me.

Till you came along. You remembered all the small little things, like my desire to have a Diptyque perfume, which till this day I truly treasure. You know my likes and dislikes, my weird quirks, my hard-to-deal-with side. Yet you stuck around. And I'm glad you do. It's also not about the way you treated me. It's also how you treated others. You are always attentive, caring, and do not bring people down. Which is really something I admire. I always say that the way you treat other people reflect a lot about yourself - and for you it does reflect a wonderful thing.

For your 25th and even your future birthdays, I won't even wish you success. Because I know it's not just a "wish". There's really no doubt in my mind that you will achieve the things you dream of, regardless of what hardships and struggles may come your way. You have made a big decision, something that is proven to be a very good one - and I can't wait to see the day that you finally become the person you wish to be today.

I hope as you pursue your passion, that you don't lose sight of what's important. The relationships you have built. Your family. Your friends. Yourself. The experiences that build you to become better. The memories that you will create along the way. I hope that as you climb up that mountain of ambition, you can take a look around and see - wow, the journey towards the top can be very beautiful too, albeit it's a steep climb. Remember not to give in, to persevere, and to have faith that every step of the way you have people believing in you - even though you don't believe in yourself.

Our relationship will face something difficult, with a lot of uncertainty going forward. I wish that we can weather the storm and I can be by your side celebrating all the things you will achieve in the future. But regardless, I want you to know no matter what happens to us in the future - good or bad - that you will always have a special place in my heart. And that I will always support you in everything that you do, the good ones of course.

Closing in with this small poem from Nikita Gill:

I will not have you
without the darkness
that hides within you.
I will not let you have me
without the madness
that makes me.
If our demons
cannot dance,
neither can we.

Know that I love you not only because you walk with my angels, but also how you dance around when I was not at my best. That pretty much wrap things up! I always enjoy our time together, and with the remaining days you are here in Hong Kong, let's make the most out of it. Love you loads.

Happy birthday, My Dearest Goldie.

cheers to the cutest, most talented, understanding person ever.

It's late. Just about to hit your birthday date and I'm staring at my screen. Wow. It's been quite a ride for you in HK, isn't it? You are going to hit your 1 year milestones soon and now you are celebrating your 1st birthday in HK. Sometimes, I couldn't help but look back and think how lucky I am to have cross my paths with you.

When I first talked to you, I truly had zero expectations. Little did I know that you are also an Indonesian who has such diverse and interesting background, and we just connected instantly with a lot of things. We talked and talked, and even though there were different turn of events - and I talked even with other numbers of people for some reason you are the one I always come back to.

And I think it's not without merit. When I look at you, I'm always astonished by how independent and talented you are. A woman with burning passion in her heart, making all the things you do shine. I always compare you to the gold color, but that's just because it's the reason. You, gold, your name, it all means the same. When you are doing pottery, rendering your design, or baking your cake - you shine, and even in the midst of your struggles in life you keep pushing forward - inspiring me to do the same.

Yet you are also gentle, kind, and amazingly understanding. I still remember the time when we went to Ocean Park and a lost kid just came to us - in that instant you just held her hands and guided her. In the end when we met her parents you instinctively handed out your hard earned plushie. At that time I thought "woah, is this necessary?" but then I realized that you care a lot about that kid it's not about you anymore. The way you treat your family, other people, colleagues truly reflect how lovely you are as a person. Again, a heart of gold.

I know keeping up with me and my issues have not been an easy one. But I'm thankful I met you throughout my journey in life. You helped me to be a better person. Inspire me to build healthier habits, walking with me through my struggles in life.

I'm excited for you. For whatever decision you made in the future. For any kind of passion you are going to pursue. For a bright and colorful journey you are about to enter in your mid-twenties.

Do you know when a light can shine the brightest? It's when there is complete darkness. In the same sense, I have complete confidence in you that you will shine even brighter - no matter what hardships or struggle you will encounter in the future. And I'll be here riding along with you, as long as you let me be.

I won't just pray for a happy or successful life, I pray you lead a meaningful life - one that you can look back and smile upon all that has happened. Another wish I have for you came from Maleficent - "For you to indeed grow in grace and beauty, beloved by all who meet you."

I love you dearest. Thank you for being an amazing partner through and through. And cheers for more moments we are gonna share in the future.

Once again, Happy birthday. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Last night I had conversations with some of my bros and an interesting topic came up: “Have you ever just got hit by sadness all of the sudden?” and it seems it happens to my friends. Just the sudden rush of emotions of being sad coming in. Then questions being asked to understand why they are sad.

At first I struggled to relate with them, because I think personally for myself there’s not much “moments” of being sad for no reason. There must be something that causes me to be sad. As the conversation went, they came back to me - asking how do I usually deal with sadness or stress or any kind of negative feeling.

That’s when it hits. I think for myself the easiest route is to “not feel” instead of being sad. To be apathetic, to care less with a lot of things surrounding me.

The ability to kill my emotions has been both beneficial and dangerous for me, as I came to realize. It can be very beneficial because I usually get peeved less, but when I do it’s hard not to notice. But the real danger comes when I realize that as a person I’ve grown quite distant to people. To anyone. To my family, to people close to me, my roommate, colleagues, anyone.

The distance comes from 2 things:

I hate confrontation with people - so I try my best to preserve the status quo.
Due to factor no 1, I built up a high tolerance to events - making things that other people see as “problematic” seems “trivial” for me. Thus I usually do not find the need to share or confront things because I tend to see most things as not a big deal.

And I guess why I have this issue is because of past relationships and looking at my parents too. I have been hurt deeply in the past that I buried it so deep in my subconscious mind - but my mind has built a default response to relationship: distance yourself so you don’t get hurt.

2nd is also the role of parents. I think when I see my parents, they also do not really like talking about their feelings - confronting it. Little did I know I absorb this behavior to myself right now.

It all came from the brokenness of the past. But again the question is: do I want to be forever shackled by the past? Or can I accept and move forward?

I don’t know. But what I came to accept is: nothing is really absolute. There is always the other side of the coin. I want to be loved - but how can I be truly loved? Do I just hide all my ugly and weak side so they can love me for my strengths? But if that's what's called being loved, do I want that?

I want to be accepted as who I am. Admired as who I am. The good and the ugly. Then am I ready to be vulnerable? To be stripped naked? Because that’s when I know whether or not I am “truly” loved.

As I understand it, life comes with black and white and all other forms in between. But unlike superhero movies where there is a clear cut on which side you should root, real life asks me to embrace both. Because you can’t have one without the other. In order to do that, I need to cultivate "true strengths" which are laid down beautifully here by Umair Haque. To cultivate awareness & acceptance, compassion, and also perspectives.

Hi! I'm Willy.

I'm currently working at Kerry Logistics.

I'm a Systems Transformer (at least in title), which revolves around diagnosing systems within my company and coming up with an overhaul that makes the system more usable, efficient, and of course - prettier. I always gravitate around change and innovation because those are the areas where I can see big possibilities. Big changes. Progress. I'm still exploring my professional endeavours and trying to find my own fit within the society professionally and I believe the journey will be fruitful.

Personally, I'm interested in storytelling. Whether it is through writing, photography, presentations/public speaking, design. I like to understand. My own thoughts, other people thoughts. My story, their story. Connecting the dots between different events - finding meaning through it. That is why I am also revamping my blog.

I have always loved writing. I do think I articulate myself better through writing as my mind can just flow through my head. I'm gonna try to constantly update this page, sharing my thoughts. Hopefully you all enjoy! If you want to connect more feel free to reach me below:

Instagram: willykhosuma

Happy reading!

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willzark

February 2024

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every year, different circumstances, same feeling, same celebration - filled with love
Not only she brightens my angels, but also silences my demons.
For when there is darkness, She shines even brighter.
black and white
Prologue.

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Refraction.

If you're alive, it means your mission on earth isn't finished yet.

Recent Entries

every year, different circumstances, same feeling, same celebration - filled with love

Not only she brightens my angels, but also silences my demons.

For when there is darkness, She shines even brighter.

black and white

Prologue.