Sep. 21st, 2020 08:11 pm
willzark: (hey)
Greetings. My name is Willy and I make this post in order to welcome you to my profile! I share mostly about my life and my thoughts so feel free to read and I hope you do get many benefits while reading my posts! If you have any questions just head directly to my inbox or hit me up by these stuffs below:

Instagram: willykhosuma 
Plurk: [ profile] ritsu07
willzark: Heya there! (Default)
 Hey. The one that is going to leave teenage years and become one step closer to a fully grown man. It is crazy how time move so fast, isn't it? So before you finally turn 20 tomorrow, let us say something to you. Yeah, us. The people who probably know you the most, the ones who are always with you, understands you at your best and are there when you are at your worst. We are you and you are us. As the last version of your teenage self, let me represent other 18 versions of yourself and leave a note for you to remember as you enter your 20s.

You are horrible. Self-righteous, people pleaser, complainer, and master procrastinator. You are the most indecisive person we've ever encountered. Overthinking too much and a masochist. Childish, overly emotional, selfish. You know very well that you are degrading yourself as a person as you got older. Remember when you were 13? 14? Those junior high school times. You were at your best. But that's okay. Looking up to your past will not change anything, all of us agree on that. 

However, inside you are truly gentle. Always tries to bring out the best out of people. You see people positively and you want to believe that they all have good intentions inside. We know best. How life brings you down, how your heart grows hard over time, and how you are tired. Tired of pretending, tired of being everyone's Willy Khosuma. 

All those struggles, don't be defeated by it. We, 18th and 19th, walked down the wrong path. We thought as we go towards university, we can create a new identity. We changed to the worse. Where's the Willy who led Gloria's Student Council? Where's the charismatic speaker that spoke with passion? Where's the ambitious guy who won't back down even if he needed to fall every time? We lost it. We became dull. We made a lot of excuses. We drifted away from God. 

So, as you are turning 20, don't make the same mistakes as we do. You are not a teenager anymore, you are not supposed to be overly emotional, childish, or selfish any more. Rebuild yourself at this stage. You feel uncomfortable doing something? That might be an indicator that you actually NEED to do that. I can only write. That's the only thing I am capable at. I am hoping that in your 20s, you will write less and do more. Put your dreams into action. 

Remember in 2017: Stay Committed & No Complaining. 

Happy early birthday. We all love you. We want you to be the best version of yourself. Thank you for the great 19 years, we leave the rest to you, 20. 
willzark: (together)

Dear Mr. Arima Kousei,

Writing to someone who was just by my side, really is a strange sensation.

You really are an overbearing guy.

dense. block-headed. a total idiot.

The first time I saw you perform, was when I was 5. It was during a recital hosted by my piano school. There was a flustered kid that walked on stage. His butt bumped the chair of it’s legs. The audience was speechless. But when facing such an enormous piano, after the first note resonated through the hall, You became everything I yearn for.

The melody was like a 24 color pallet, radiating with color. The notes were dancing in the air.

The kid sitting next to me even started crying. It scared me a bit.

It would’ve been fine like that, but you had to abandon performing on the piano. Always inconveniencing others, you overbearing idiot, dense, idiot, block-head.

After I found out we were attending the same school, my heart felt endless butterflies, wondering what i could do to start a conversation with you. Maybe I could start buying an egg sandwich from the cafeteria.

But in the end, all I did was glance at you from a distance, because everyone’s relationship looks so intimate and natural. It didn’t look like there was a place for me.

When I was little, I went through surgery. After that, I had scheduled visits to the hospital. Not long after the initial fall, I had another incident, which started a life of frequent and long hospital stays.

The time I spent in the hospital felt agonizingly long. There was almost no opportunity for me to attend class. I knew my condition was worsening. Until one night, during a typical hospital day, in the waiting room, I saw tears running down from my mom and dad’s face.

That’s when I realized my time was running out.

From that moment onward, I.. started running forward.
To make sure I had no regrets, I started living my life to the fullest.
I wore the contact lenses I never had the courage to wear.
I stopped repressing my giant appetite for the sake of looking thin.
I performed how I wanted to perform instead of how others wanted me to perform.

And then, I told a lie.

This lie was that, Miyazono Kaori had feelings for Watari Ryota.

That lie was a success. Arima Kousei, it finally brought you to me.

Please apologize to Watari for me, but since it’s Watari, he’d probably soon forget all about me. After all, I realized that I like people who wholeheartedly focus on a single person better. But Watari is still an amazing friend.

Also, apologize to Tsubaki-chan for me. The two of us walk the same path, because I didn’t want her to hate me, I didn’t apologize to her directly. Back then, if I directly asked her to “introduce me to Arima Kousei,” she wouldn’t have given me a good response, because to Tsubaki-chan, her most precious person in the world is you. Everyone knew that long ago. The only people who didn’t know were you and Tsubaki-chan.

The you who came to me because of my lie is very different compared to the you in imagination.
The real you is more dark. 

Your sound is also more melancholic.
but more manlier than in my imagination.
But what matched that of my imagination, is how gentle a person you are, from the time we jumped into the river, the cold comfortable feeling running down my spine, to when we tried to catch the train, which I felt like we could have succeeded, the late nights we spent in the music room, gazing at the bun-like full moon, when I rode the back of the bike, and we sang “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, how we were out of tune. It was really not very good music. School at night, that was definitely something. The snow, just like cherry blossoms.

Even though I’m a musician, my heart is always filled with thing unrelated to the stage. It’s such a strange feeling. Isn’t that weird?

What about you?
Did I make my way to a certain someone’s heart?
Did I make it to your heart?
Even if it’s just a little, will you remember our time together?
You can forget about the nasty stuff, but please, don’t forget about me. Promise me you won’t.

You’re really an amazing person.
I hope my feelings will reach you.
I really hope it reaches you.

I'm glad it was you.

Arima Kousei, I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I'm sorry we couldn't eat all those canelés. 
I'm sorry I hit you so much.
I'm sorry I was so selfish.

I'm so, so, so, so sorry.

Thank you for everything.

-Miyazono Kaori

P.s. My treasure is also in the envelope. If you don’t feel like keeping it, please dispose of it

willzark: (Looking up to the sky)
So, this is the very first time I write outside my comfortable room in Indonesia. That's right, I'm now at Hong Kong, trying to pursue my dream to become a computer scientist. As I scroll down through my 2013 post I realize so much has happened to my life. Looking back to my journey, I've always been quite rebellious in almost everything. My high school years I was quite outspoken about the school system and trying to change something is not that easy. Following that, I try to fight my way through the university in just a nick of time and fight my way out of Indonesia, trying to pursue my dream to study abroad. My dream to study in the USA did not materialize but I got here in Hong Kong, the place I dream if I am to study in Asia.

So here I am, typing my year in review after my first semester ends. So, how was it? It was disastrous. This is actually the first real step I take to really get out of my comfort zone, living alone in a country I am not familiar with. Bringing all my bad habits from my high school, my university simply destroyed me with a lot of stuff (grades, in general). Sometimes I am jealous of my friends in Indonesia, still retaining their usual habits but doesn't really have any problems with their studies. Some of them even play dota almost everyday and here I am, studying in the library for 24 hours straight (in fact I slept there).

But at the end, I feel grateful. The harsh life studying abroad forces me to change for the good. I've never done laundry all by myself until now, cook by myself, and even shop for food ingredients. Such small lessons really shape me to become more independent. For studies, I really need to change my study habits and revise daily in order not to get stressed like this semester (hopefully I can change next year).

More than that, now I have people I can share my life with. Coming here I have always been a lone wolf, trying to bear everything on my own. But when I get here, I met a church called HMCC in which I can really feel what's it like to worship God like the early churches did. This is the first time I experienced true positive community that grows in the right direction (which is one of the reasons I write this review!) and looking back all of my posts, this is what I've been looking for. To actually be in a community that I can share everything with, including my sadness and happiness. It's amazing how God works and answers my prayer.

All in all, the past few years have been a roller coaster that moves downward for me. It has been challenging and tiring. But I always cling into 1 bible verse. John 13:7 - "You do not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand." Because you can only connect the dots looking backward! and my life experience have proved that no matter how hard my life gets. I'm still walking on my WasteLand trying to pursue my dream, but I believe during my times in the wasteland God shapes me to be ready for His plan for me ahead.
willzark: (Looking up to the sky)
I cancelled my flight today just to get my certificate. I did not know whether this is the right decision or not, but I wanted to believe that this is the right one.

Been such a havoc before my departure but oh well, sometimes you just can't calculate something. So yeah, now I'm here at my room trying to get the best refraction for myself tonight.

Just a few more days until my new journey at a new place. I did not think about it that much until the day finally arrived, so am I ready? The obvious answer should be: I must be ready, or I'll never make it out alive.

When I looked back to my journey until I get at this point, it had been such a miracle. I reminisced my junior high school years, when I tried my best getting Singapore's scholarship but then I failed miserably. Even though I worked extremely hard, day and night, I just can't get what I want.

It seems God wanted to direct me to another path. Sure, parts of me regret making Gloria as my High School choice, but maybe if I did not enter Gloria, I will not have the experience of being the Student Council's President. Maybe I wouldn't have learned how tough and fake the society is, and how can I adapt to the reality before me.

Then the cycles came again. What I did during my junior school year, I did it again on my senior year. This time, it was about SAT. I remember it clearly how I study for like 8AM-12AM everyday. Memorizing vocabs, doing reading while still keeping up with school subjects. It was chaotic. I remember how I cried to my mom telling her that I might not be able to continue this way. Too tired, too exhausted. Yet, I still can't reach my desired score.

Did my hard work paid off this time? Well, partly. I did not get the chance to enter my dream school, but God put me somewhere else, again. I know well that He has a plan, I just can't see it yet. Then God taught me another thing during this holiday.

During my times waiting for this day to arrive, many things had happened. I mostly spend time with myself at home, but then some days I got to hang out with my friends, and on the last few weeks I got the opportunity to get an internship at my father's office. I got so many new experiences from there. Especially the internship. I entered the office without any hopes of getting involved and such, but as it progressed, I found myself trying to help my father's company to the next level. I did try to make new concepts and trying to bring the technology staffs together, and I feel good that I have the ability to lead. Maybe I overestimate myself.

Then God gave me a warning. Just now. While He did want me to realize my potential, but He also did not want me to neglect my weaknesses. Procrastination. Underestimating stuffs. Get emotional easily. He tried to warn me: Hey! Look at the things you need to repair before overestimating yourself! You got waaaay to go to become a better person. And yeah. I realized that. During my internship God also warned me via the cell group of my office. I don't know why but every time I joined the cell group it was always about "Wherever you are, what challenges you might face, God is there to supply you. So do not worry and rely on God. Everything will be alright." I know I haven't been talking to God for so long, but maybe it's time to build a new habit.

So to all the things I left behind, thank you. You taught me so many stuffs that I must keep in mind, wherever I go.
willzark: (Looking up to the sky)
Clock's ticking. It's still 9 PM but hell I'm beat. I don't really do anything today, yet I the fatigue I feel is real. And so, while hearing out the legendary OST of Steins;Gate, I'm going to write a piece of my little conceited wish.

This might be extremely similar to my previous post "Mirage" but then that crazy anime Oregairu Season 2 really makes my brain thinking for a while. What do I really want? What am I searching for all this time?

I don't know. I never know. When people look at me from the outside, from their perspective, they might say that I got such a life. Having got all those friends, backups, made it to become the Student Council's President. well known, bright future, everything. I don't know if that's the case but... I've always be the one who tries to live up to those expectations. The individual that people will recognize, respect, and look up. Maybe that's what "Everyone's Willy Khosuma" means. But while trying to do so, I don't even notice it myself.

But now I understand. I was lost. I was empty. I'm not the person people expect me to be. Or like Hayato said to Hikigaya, "I'm not the good guy you think I am." and then the legendary line came out.

"Hayato was hoping for it, too..."
"For what?"
"For someone to find him... maybe?"

For someone to find him... huh? I wonder if that's the case for me. For people like us, the one who always wears a thousands masks and none of them is the "real self", life is hard. People who always try to please everybody, to make everybody happy. Life's exhausting. The burden of those masks will possibly lead to the most fatal result one can ever imagine - that no one will ever find their true self. Will someone breaks trough that tough walls we make and find us? Can you see me and reach out your hand to me? Pulling me out from my pretentious act?

I help a lot of people. I can give them advises. I can provide solutions. But then those things I do only make me realize that I am the one who needs help the most.

Hayato's right. I am jealous of people who can absolutely be themselves, even when people hate them. I feel inferior to them. They might have only 1 or 2 friends, but it doesn't matter. As long as those 1 or 2 friends understand them, they feel at ease. They don't need everybody to understand them. They just need a few who really care. I'm envious with people who have those kind of relationship.

Yet, I won't put up high hopes. I'm tired after all. Of hoping, of expecting something. What I want is probably impossible to reach. It's selfish, it's conceited. It's disgusting. But for people like me, it's the only wish I've ever wanted.


Jun. 5th, 2015 09:40 pm
willzark: Heya there! (Default)
Willy's here. If you need anything just contact me directly through this post. Thank you!.


Jun. 5th, 2015 07:22 pm
willzark: (Looking up to the sky)
"These must be my true colors. That's why I couldn't let go. I locked it deep within myself. And averted my eyes from the truth.

All I wanted was to be criticized and shown the light.

I wanted someone to see through the pretentious clown that I was.
They were eyes looking in from the outside.

And so I held high hopes.
Thought they might be able to find me.
Thought they might be able to see through me. 


How can you be so sure that it's not a figment of your imagination? Is anything truly genuine?"

So, is anything truly genuine? Isn't it the question of the day? 

Thinking you'll understand without being told anything is an illusion. 
What I want isn't words. What I wanted was definitely there.
And it wasn't mutual understanding, or to be friends, or to be together, or anything
like that.  I want to understand. 
I want to know. I want to feel at ease knowing. I want peace of mind. Because not 
understanding terrifies me. Saying I want to understand everything is extremely 
self-righteous. it's a dictatorial and conceited wish. it's shameless and repulsive.
And I'm absolutely disgusted at myself for wanting that.
But if..
If we feel the same way.. 
If a relationship exists where we can force that ugly self-consciousness upon each other,
and accept it..
I know there's no way that can happen. I realize that's completely out of reach.
But still...
I.. want the real thing.

Exactly. I don't know whether there is anything in this world that is genuine, but I want to strive for that. Hikki got me there. Now I know. Feeling at home means feeling that genuine feeling. In which you can completely be yourself. Laugh, hide no secrets, talk about everything. Maybe that are the form of genuine things. But who knows? 

I want that kind of relationship. A genuine one.  The real thing. 

The question remaining are: When and how? 


willzark: Heya there! (Default)
I finally finished my high school years. It kinda felt like a fast ride. I do think that Janet's Law really does apply to this world in which she stated that the older you are, the faster time flies around you. I still remember when I was still on my elementary years, time felt so slow that I felt I had a bunch of time for myself. I can't say the same thing now. I've grown so much that my activities scaled up and thus stealing my precious times.

One thing I can say, I learnt a lot from my high school experiences. People said that high school years will be the happiest years of your life, but I think that just isn't the case for me. While I do enjoy my high school years, at the same time, I feel lost. Things change so much in high school that I just can't stand how frustrating it is. People around me start to have their own groups (we call it gap) and that makes a lot things even worse. I personally do not like the idea of grouping, because I myself want to be with everybody, not only with one specific group. Because of that ideal, I found myself lost in the middle of many groups around my school. I do hang out with everybody, but it's just that I do not feel comfortable socializing, it's unwelcoming and different.

That confusion indulges myself to become a lone wolf in my high school years, making me unable to trust anyone around me beside my own self. A lot of things happened afterwards and in the end, I only found a few people around me worth to be mentioned as my "friends." I certainly don't like this idea, but high school taught me that the real world just will become that harsh. You cannot really befriends with all people and all you can do is select those who will always pursue to bring out the best in you, and most importantly, do not leave you when you are in a pinch. There are a lot of dramas happening around high school and that showed me how "fake" this world can be in the future. 

Sounds really like a hateful post about my teenage years, but I do actually want to thank all the people in my high school years to shape me in becoming who I am today. I myself feel that my "past self" in the junior high is way better than my "current self", having a lot more of positive mindsets and a happy-go-lucky attitude. But my current self have learned not to see things just by its cover, but dig it deeper to the truth. I find current self right now is highly aware of my surroundings and intuitive to analyze what will come next. A fair trade-off, but I would like to improve myself more.

All in all, my high school years have been like a roller coaster to me. Now I will step on towards my University years, in which I know will pose greater challenges and unknown threats in the future. I will hold my head up and continue to walk forward, no regrets. Yeah, seems kinda like it.

willzark: Heya there! (Default)
It's already Christmas. 25th of December. Seems like 2014 is going to pass soon. But before that, there's just one occasion that needs to be remembered, and that is the birth of Jesus, the One that has been accompanying me through my life journey.

I'm lost for words. Been 17 (almost 18) years and I do not think I have given something significant to Him in His birthday. In contrast, I was the one who was given lots of presents and holidays. I do not realize how important this day is until this year. 

Well, this year was a big mess for me. If you read my last journal on my 2013's review, I said that 2014 was the first step into my wasteland, and it really is.  I screwed up some of my school activities, my scores were getting lower (worst record ever) and yes I failed my SAT test, making my future a big question. Since my high school year, I realized that I changed to the worse. I started complaining, rushed things, and my biggest mistake, tried to do everything by myself.

I miss the old me. The one who is always genuinely smiling, encouraging, and most importantly, closer to God. I prayed often, read many inspirational stuffs, it's exhilarating. But now? I rarely pray, just occasionally. Maybe this year God wants to slap me in my face, telling me to go back. I think I kinda know how God feels, being abandoned just like that. It's like you love someone so much that you are willing to give her everything, but then she suddenly change hearts and leave you just like that. The feeling when you already give everything, yet given nothing in return. 

I made my decision. This Christmas, the gift that I am about to give to Jesus, is myself. I am willing to come back on track. It is going to be tough, I know that. That's why I make this post as a remainder on my decision. Happy birthday, Jesus. I'm glad You came. 

"It's not about me anymore, it's about US, against the odds."
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you guys have your own beautiful experience! May joy and happiness be with you all! Don't forget to think about a gift to God though!


willzark: Heya there! (Default)
It has been 1,5 months since I prepared my SAT. It has been one hell of a month, everyday I go to school from 7AM-3PM, followed directly by a course from 5PM-10PM, and need to review some stuffs up to 12AM. To be honest, with such brief preparation, I'm not confident enough to take my test tomorrow. Here I am, 15 hours before facing the biggest obstacle upon entering my dream university, Hong Kong University. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I anxious? Yes, a lot. 

Here I am, sitting in front of my laptop, reflecting upon my journey these past months. It has been difficult for me, arranged the student orientation on July, managed the Independence Day celebration on August, took charge in the leadership camp on September, while preparing for SAT, not to forget that I must also keep up with my school subjects. It has been chaotic, disastrous, and the probability for me to fail is much higher than that of being successful. Maybe my efforts are futile, as I thought to myself.

But then, a quote struck me. 
"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn."

I rethink my thoughts. I found out that, I learned a lot during my journey. I might not be successful, but certainly I gain something not all people can. When I saw the people who were preparing SAT just as I do, I can see most of them have worked harder than I do, and that's for a year long. There was even a guy who sacrificed his basketball championship just to study the SAT. I can now distinguish great people and ordinary people, and no wonder that most of them become successful on the test later on .

Most people think that people who are successful have more LUCK than ordinary people. Certainly they do not understand the hard work that they did in their life. There was a great violist once, named Pablo de Sarasate. He was the biggest violist in 19th century, and music critics regard him as a genius. Guess what he said?

"For 37 years I have practiced 14 hours a day, and now the call me a genius?" 

Successful people are hardworking. They do what most people around them don't do, choose the hard and thorny path, but then gain what most people around them don't gain, and arrive at a beautiful place where no people around them would ever reach. I can tell by looking at the people who fight their way for the test, they are different. It is not that people who are successful have more luck, it's more like people who work harder have more luck, because luck follows our hard work!

But don't forget, bring your brain with you. If you just work hard blindly, you will end up getting exhausted and depressed. Think smart, the best way to raise the efficiency of your hard work, and make your hard work worth it. 

Even if, your work hard does not pays off, don't feel bad. It is okay to fail. Sometimes we get depressed after we fail, but hey when one door closes, another door opens; but we often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. When God lets us fail, He plans to take us higher to a different place. So don't give up. Dream betrays many, but hard work betrays none.

willzark: Heya there! (Default)
Life sometimes sucks, right? There will always be a point in your life that you feel like, how far can my life get worse? You know like, I want to go far away and take a break from this exhausting events that is happening in my life now. You might even try to question "God, this is too much, I cannot bear it anymore, when is it my turn to be happy?"

Well, in life, you will experience those kind of stuffs, pain, heartbreaks, unmotivated, stress, all the bad stuffs. But you know, it's not like your "suffering" will last forever. There will always be a time where you can get happy, where you can really enjoy life.

But then, how can we get through those painful moments? I will say, that it will drain you a lot. Both mentally or physically. But what you might want to try is to be thankful, even when you're in the midst of despair. You might think I'm mad, I know, but just start to do it anyway. Don't look how big or many your problems are, but how far you have travel your journey as a person. How much blessings you get, how much hardships that you finally overcame. There are a lot of things that you can be grateful of, instead of grieving on how bad your life is now.

But hey, I know it's not that easy to practice. You may be weak by yourself. But remember, God won't let you travel alone, He will accompany you through this. He also might send you a person or people who will always be there for you, supporting you in any way they can. Be grateful for that. God wants you to be happy, but at the same time He also wants you to grow as a person.

So be thankful in any situation, you will be much more happier and less burdened that way.
willzark: Heya there! (1)
 So, another year has passed. It overwhelms me on how time flies so fast, and I'm going to turn 17 after this. But first let me first review my year. Basically, 2013 was quite a disappointing year for me, my scores went down, I got lazier, skinnier, I did many stupid mistakes. It sure is a year full of flaws. Owing to those "experiences" I actually got many lessons to reflect too.

I did quite a lot new activities that I've never done before. Like hosting a valentine's dinner, making scrapbooks, leading a team directly in a program, facing school authorities, getting yelled at. Wow, it seems like quite an achievement (for me.) In 2013 I started to stretch myself out of my comfort zone. I never host a valentine's dinner, it takes a lot of time and energy, but I done it anyway. I never make any scrapbooks, it's confusing and tiring, but I done it anyway. I never lead a team directly, it is frustrating, but I done it anyway.

Though it is true that I'm not doing well academically in 2013, I got many lessons from activities I do, and it kinda pays off. Now I know even though I think something is hard to be done, but if I just try to get through it, then it is not as difficult as I assume. I just need to learn to start doing things that is beneficial for me. Reading books, studying, I seriously lack general knowledge and my scores are just epic failure.

2013 was the year of small step, giant leap for me. I started to experience many things I never experience before, I fail at something I thought I am capable of, but I did start to step out from my comfort zone. It was my first step. It does feel uncomfortable, many challenges ahead, but it doesn't matter, as long as I continue walking.

It was the year full of flaws, but also rich of experience and lessons.

2014 is gonna be even more challenging and exhausting, but that's what ahead of you when you try to get out of your comfort zone right? It is a good signal but a tough assignment. I must get ready to welcome the first step towards my wasteland! Happy new year folks!
willzark: Heya there! (Default)
Have faith in Him.Hi guys.. Udah lama aku nggak update ke journal ku ini.. Tapi hari ini aku dapet suatu berkat yang aku percaya Tuhan beri ke aku..

Jujur aja belakangan ini aku down terus.. Adaa aja masalah-masalah yang aku hadapi.. Mulai dari masalah pelajaran SMA, tuntutan dari orang tua ku, teman, dsb.. Nah, aku setiap kali terus mikir.. Kenapa kok aku ini mengalami kesusahan yang sedemikian rupa? Aku terus nanya Tuhan, kenapa Tuhan? Aku nggak tau rencanamu.. Why God?

Nah, nggak sengaja aku hari ini searching di youtube.. Dan nggak tau kenapa aku tertarik untuk ngelihat tentang Bong Chandra... Beliau adalah seorang motivator yang terkenal di Indonesia, dan saya pernah datang ke seminarnya sekali, tentang Billionaire Codes, dan bagus sekali materi yang dia sampaikan.

Di video yang saya lihat, Bong bersaksi tentang kehidupannya.. Bagaimana ia dibesarkan di keluarga yang biasa saja, dan bagaimana keluarganya mengalami krisis sampai hidup berkekurangan.. Bagaimana ia harus mengumpulkan recehan di sudut sudut rumahnya agar dapat membayar tagihan dsb.. Sampai akhirnya ada seorang temannya yang mengajaknya ke gereja.. dan disanalah ia sadar bahwa ia membutuhkan Tuhan dalam menyelesaikan masalahnya, dan selama ini ia hanya mengandalkan dirinya sendiri...

Mungkin kita sering bertanya "Mengapa Tuhan ciptakan masa-masa sulit? Masa-masa down?" dan Bong pun juga bertanya seperti itu dan ia sadar.. Bahwa jika tidak ada masa-masa sulit manusia akan mengandalkan dirinya sendiri.. Di masa-masa sukar kita sudah tidak bisa mengandalkan diri kita, ataupun orang lain, maka dari itu kita mencari seorang Pribadi, yaitu Kristus...

Nah yang aku suka dari paradigma Bong adalah dia ketika berkata "Tapi ingat, hiduplah seperti bermain catur, Tuhan bisa majukan pionNya kalau kita juga majukan pion kita, kalau salah satu majukan pion dan satunya diam kan ndak bisa, maka dari itu kita berharap sepenuhnya dengan Tuhan tetapi kita berusaha yang terbaik."

"Tapi ingat, hiduplah seperti bermain catur, Tuhan bisa majukan pionNya kalau kita juga majukan pion kita, kalau salah satu majukan pion dan satunya diam kan ndak bisa, maka dari itu kita berharap sepenuhnya dengan Tuhan tetapi kita berusaha yang terbaik."

Nah konsep inilah yang biasanya manusia lupakan.. Saya banyak mendengar pendeta-pendeta atau penginjil berkata "Segalanya adalah dari Tuhan, jerih payahmu itu sia-sia..." dan mereka mengutipnya dari alkitab.. Menurut saya, mereka mengutip dengan tidak lengkap.. Memang semua itu berasal dari Tuhan, tetapi itu tidak berarti kita diam saja menunggu berkat Tuhan.. Itu adalah konsep yang salah!

Banyak orang yang mau mendapatkan sesuatu tidak mau berjuang.. Tuhan juga tidak ingin kita menjadi pribadi yang lemah, Dia ingin kita menjadi pribadi yang kuat dan tough dalam menjalani hidup. Seorang ayah yang baik pasti menginginkan anaknya tidak manja, dapat berjuang, agar menjadi pribadi yang kuat kelak. Nah Tuhan juga ingin kita demikian, maka dari itu Ia menciptakan kesulitan, bukan untuk menyengsarakan kita, melainkan menjadikan kita pribadi yang kuat.

"Tuhan menciptakan kesulitan bukan untuk menyengsarakan kita, melainkan untuk menjadikan kita pribadi yang kuat."

Bong juga berkata, dengan kesulitan yang ia alami Tuhan mengangkatnya lebih tinggi.. Dia berkata saat ia gagal di suatu bisnis, ia malah dikenalkan dengan bisnis properti yang membawanya kepada kesuksesan.. Saya juga yakin, dengan kesulitan yang Tuhan berikan ke saya, Ia berencana untuk mengangkat saya lebih tinggi.. Mungkin sekarang masih belum terasa, tetapi saya yakin Tuhan menjadikan sesuatu indah pada waktu-Nya.

Terakhir, saya mengutip kata-kata Bong "Kita ini bisa hidup karena anugerah, sehat karena anugerah, bisa makan karena anugerah, maka dari itu jangan lagi mengandalkan manusia, jangan lagi percaya sepenuhnya kepada manusia, tetapi andalkan dan percayakan semuanya kepada Tuhan." Tetapi ingat, semua itu juga harus diimbangi dengan usaha kita, karena jika kita sudah setia dalam perkara kecil, Tuhan akan mempercayakan kita perkara yang lebih besar.

"Kita ini bisa hidup karena anugerah, sehat karena anugerah, bisa makan karena anugerah, maka dari itu jangan lagi mengandalkan manusia, jangan lagi percaya sepenuhnya kepada manusia, tetapi andalkan dan percayakan semuanya kepada Tuhan."

willzark: (Looking up to the sky)
Face your biggest enemy.I have been facing my high school for a couple of months, and it is sure DEPRESSING. Yes, depressing. I got tired easily, got no motivation, and all I do everyday is reflecting about how worse my life is now. I thought it was because of the pressure from outside, from my school subjects, from my scores, or even from my friends. But I was wrong. It is because of ME.MYSELF.I.

I know this may sounds weird, but I have been arguing with myself for the whole months since I started my high school. Everyday, I just lay on my bed doing nothing, but inside my heart and head, a big war is going on. I'm thinking about this and that, but the actual problem is not that. It is actually myself.

You see, what I have been thinking (or imagining) in my head is me, facing the problems, and I always imagine myself in the losing or disadvantage side. This is why, everytime I argue with myself, my moods are ruined. Because I have the image of myself in my head that I already lost, I can't, and it's impossible to hold on like this.

"Your own worst enemy is the image you have of YOURSELF in your head."

This is why I always told my mom and dad, I need external support, to help me maintain my motivations, and help me avoiding negatives thoughts. But then I realize, I am all alone now, the only person I can depend on now is myself, because the person who will always be there for you when others not, is not your friends, not your family, but you, yourself. The only person that will be there, when you are sad, alone, and feels like nobody cares, remember that you still have yourself, and if you give up on yourself, then you lost all the support you can have.

"The only person that will always be there for you, is not your friends, not your family, but you, yourself."

So now, as I reflect this, I realize that I must start value myself more, start change the image I have of myself in my head, and if I can overcome that, I'm sure your worst enemy will become your strongest supporter.

Don't forget that God is also there with you, and He does not want you to think lowly of yourself, especially if you give up on yourself. Remember He has the best plan for your future, so don't give up.

There will always be anything that wants to bring you down, maybe it's your school, your friends, your scores, but the only one who can give them permission to do so is you, if you don't let them bring you down, then they won't :) How to do that? Just ignore them and imagine yourself at the very best.

"Never forget that what you must always visualize is YOU at your MOST POWERFUL."

willzark: (Looking up to the sky)
"Dwelling in the most beautiful yet confusing world~"

Dreams, what is it? An unbearable Illusion maybe? Or maybe it's a reality that slips within those illusions?

No one ever knows.. It's hard to interpret too.. But as a human being, we need to have at least one.. One Dream.. Maybe it's something we ought to achieve, or maybe a stage in life that we want to reach..

But why? why do we need one? is this "dream" something so important?

Well, it depends.

If you want to be someone or sought something important, then YES you NEED Dreams.

"Embrace your dreams, if you WANT to be a HERO, you need to have dreams." -Zack Fair

Hero? Seems childish.. But I'm sure that what Zack means of hero is more than it's definition literally.

Hero.. Hero is someone important.. He/She is recognized.. Not always all people recognized them, but they're highly respected, and people dearest to them look up to them.. They have achieved something in their life that will always be remembered.. Maybe it's honor, sacrifice, help, or anything.. And the most important thing is, they have live their life with purpose, and they usually will be satisfied with their lives..

Just in case

So, how can these "Heroes" achieve something that great? Simple. Because they have dreams. We may say that dreams only are illusion that we create within our mind, hoping that someday we can achieve "it". But if you look deeper, your dreams are also a reality, if you are serious enough about it.

“Everything you can imagine is real.” -Pablo Picasso

Yes, everything.. Literally, you can be anything you want.. Because God has given us so much potential, but remember, use it wisely, so you will have no regrets later..

Everything starts with a dream.. Because with a dream we have a purpose.. This purpose, will drive us to take action, and make what we say "an illusion in our mind" become "a reality in front of our eyes."

Remember, what you see in your mind, you will hold it in your hand.

"Dreams are reality inscribed in illusions, you just need to find it and make it a reality." 


willzark: Heya there! (Default)

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Refraction. If you're alive, then that means your mission on earth isn't finished yet.